Making Friends as an Introvert

Hey guys! I'm really digging this weather. My plants are starting to bloom and get big, the kids and dogs practically live outside (which means the house stays clean longer than five minutes!) and it's just downright beautiful. We're in that perfect part of the year where it's not snowing (anymore) and not boiling (yet!). I hope, wherever you're living that it's perfect too.

So, today we're talking about making friends when you're an introvert. I'm a pretty shy person, which is sort of funny since I have a blog. But, it's not like I'm seeking you guys out and starting up a conversation, you tune in as you like. So, actually, this is the ideal way for an introvert to have a conversation. 😏 Being an introvert means it can be hard to make friends and especially hard to turn acquaintances into genuine, growing friendships. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but we move quite a bit. Basically, every 2-3 years is our average. If you don't have a job (like a stay-at-home-parent *ahem) it can be tough to meet people. So, I've put together a few pointers that I use to help me make friends.

-Get Out

I know this seems obvious and terrifying, but you have to do it. You're not going to meet people sitting in your house doing whatever it is you like to do. You need to connect. There are a few options, depending on how daring you are. There is this great app, called MeetUp, that lists groups of people and clubs based on any hobby you could think of. There's a group in my area that goes on bar crawls every month, another that just plays board games, and tons for people with kids. Most of the clubs are free to join and the app is free, too. Just something to look into and you're guaranteed to meet people that have the same hobbies as you.

If you have kids, go to a park. This time of year, you're bound to bump into another parent, whether they stay at home or not. Plus, you'll find that your kids are a natural talking point. I can talk to a stranger about my kids for hours; it's like the one thing that breaks through my introvertedness. (totally made that up). If you don't have kids, I don't recommend going to park. You'll look creepy and have the opposite effect.

-Smile

Again, this seems obvious, but this tells whoever it is that you're talking with (or trying to speak with) that you are a nice person and not ignoring them. It's an invitation to start a conversation. If you look freaked out, no one is going to chit chat with you. And you have to have chit chat if you're going to make a friend.

Honestly, making a friend is almost like dating, except I feel like you can relax a little more. I mean, you're not trying to marry this person or anything; plus you can always go dutch!

-Make Future Plans

This is the clencher, and it gets me every single time! Make plans to meet again or at least exchange contact information. It's so easy to find people these days with social media. You rarely meet people who don't have Facebook, especially if they have kids! Alternatively, you can do the good old number swap. When you see the conversation wrapping up or (in my case) a mom telling her kids it's time to go, say, "It was nice chatting with you. Would you mind if we exchanged contact information?" Ok, it doesn't have to sound so robotic, but you get the idea.

You need to get contact info and/or decide to meet again. If you make plans and don't exchange contact information, people will feel obligated to show up. This is almost a trick. If you don't give them a way to cancel, they will feel bad if they stand you up. Thus, they reappear. Magic!

-Bring Them to You

The follow up can be especially challenging to the introvert. Reaching out to someone with a phone call (I hate talking on the phone, it puts me on edge when I hear it ringing) or even just a text message can be challenging. We weren't all made to be social butterflies. But you have to reach out to them. You can choose to wait a few days or right away. I don't think there's a particular wait period or anything. Usually, I get busy with my life and remember a few days later to follow up with people. And that works for me.

The next step is to get together again. I find, having a plan helps. My go-to is inviting someone to my house. For other introverts, this is a huge no-no. My theory is to ask someone to where you feel most comfortable, where you can relax and be yourself. That, for me, is home in my kitchen. I usually invite people over for a meal. Ask any of my friends; this is probably the first way they spent time with me (and still do!).

Find something that is "your thing" and invite this new person to join you. It will help you come out of your shell if you are familiar with the surroundings and enjoy yourself.

-The Letdown

Not everyone you meet will be friendship material. This is the hardest part for us introverts, rejection. Because this is primarily why we are introverts! Rejection sucks, no matter who you are, but for introverts, it can really send us way back inside our bubble. Because it's safe, normal, comfortable and predictable. Usually, rejection will happen at the beginning, so you won't have put in too much time and effort. Just remain realistic and strong. You can do it!

-Bonus

I'm going to tell you why introverts are amazing, because we are! Every introvert I know either has a ton of plants, a ton of pets, or both! Taking care of either of those is more natural than friendships, so we're pretty good at it.

Going to an introverts house is always a ton of fun. We usually have super cool hobbies, because we spend a lot of time to ourselves. I know how to knit, crochet, cross-stitch, do yoga, origami, cook, and pretty much any kind of art/DIY project you could imagine. Introverts are a wealth of knowledge, experience, and we're usually dying to talk to someone about it.

Introverts make amazing friends. We are so, unbelievably, loyal to friendships. Once we have an established friend, we text, snap, spend time, whatever, we're there! And when we commit, we show up. You'll likely never be stood up by an introvert; it's just part of who we are. Introverts can be seriously awesome.

I hope this helped some fellow introverts out there. I know it seems elementary, because it is. Look at making friends like formula. First do A, then B. It's simple. And you know, once you get a good friend, it's easy from there. It's just finding one that trips us introverts up. Happy friend finding!