What It's Really Like Having Two Kids

I think winter is officially over! Finally! It's already starting to get around here, but I'm just wishing and hoping for a mild summer. Being from the Midwest, I'm used to the heat, but having kids out in the blazing sun usually means cutting our outings short. If you all didn't already know, I have two kiddos. My son, four, and my daughter, one; and we have dogs and fish and plants. We're just a full house over here; it seems like! So, today, I'm going to get real with you about what it's like having two kids. Or more specifically, my two kids.


-Early Days

Right off, our son was less than thrilled to have a little sister. I remember when I was pregnant I would watch these videos of siblings first meetings. They were so cute, and you could already tell how much the older child loved the new little. Yeah, it was not like that. Not for us. And I was very realistic with our son about what to expect. I told him she would cry and sleep a lot and that Mommy would have to hold the baby quite a bit.

He seemed cool with that until it actually happened. And it didn't help that our daughter was a significant crier. I've never heard a baby cry like that. Even the nurses in the hospital commented (several times) that her lungs real extremely powerful. So, it was a tumultuous relationship from the start.


-Things I Wasn't Prepared For

First off, I was not physically prepared to have another kiddo. It's so relaxed with the first one. If they're asleep, you can sleep. If you want to go somewhere, they're cool. They usually sleep through everything. You need downtime to rest your body (childbirth is traumatic on the human body!), and if the only thing you have to take care of is a 5-8 pound bundle of cuteness, you have the opportunity to rest.

Your older child doesn't give a sh*@ that you pushed a baby out of your vagina or had major surgery. You promised things would only change a little and you lied! *gasp*! Your first child will need help with shoes and wants to play outside and needs juice or milk or needs to go potty. I never realized how much my kid asked for on a regular basis until I had my daughter. He was so much more dependent on me than I thought! And it was hard for him to accept that his needs weren't always the first in line (though I gave it my best effort!).

My son had been successfully potty trained for a year before I had my daughter. The first week we were home from the hospital, my son peed his pants every day. Without fail. It was the worst. And I was stressed out, exhausted, in pain and barely surviving. Not my finest hour. Life got real, fast.
I wasn't prepared for how demanding my children were. That first month with a new baby is trying. They need you all the time. And if you're nursing, there is something glued to you eight hours a day. So you already have this brand new thing, that you just met, and are trying to understand that needs loads of your time; plus, your other child that may or may not be old enough to do basic things for themselves that need your attention constantly. Even if they don't need anything, they need to tell you a story or show you something, or they want to snuggle while your nursing (which is hard af the first month!). Basically they just need your attention. And there ain't a lot of extra floating around.


-You Will Fail

Yes. No one is perfect, we are all human, and you will fail your child. At some point, something will happen, and you will feel that guilt. It happens. I felt so guilty for the first year of my daughter's life. My son got shortchanged in that time. My daughter was hospitalized when she was five months old and got diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy. She was already a difficult baby, which meant my son was getting less attention that he deserved. Then, when we started a steroid treatment, my son got pushed entirely aside.

And I feel guilty for that, every day. It still hurts me inside that I let that happen. I should have done better; I should have made more time, I could have done things differently. Yes. To all of that. But I didn't. I did the very best I could. And I had family come to help me that spent time with him and took him to do fun things. That helped because I knew he was having fun. But he wasn't getting me.
There is so much guilt that comes with parenting, and it's inevitable. It's a part of the swag bag. And you have to learn to deal with it. Recognize it, come up with a solution to move forward and let it go. Make the changes. I still feel like I'm making it up to my son, all that lost time. I know he may never remember any of it, but I always will. And I'm slowly forgiving myself and letting it go. It takes time.


-Life on the Inside

My house is a disaster. Always. It doesn't matter how often I pick up, clean, do the laundry, sweep; our house still looks a mess. And some days it gets to me, and I freak out. I spend hours and hours tidying, scrubbing, dusting, and being pissed. And it's so not worth it.

My kids are expert mess makers. It takes seconds for them to get every single toy and book that they own out. And they have a lot! On top of that, my one-year-old is obsessed with paper. Specifically, ripping it. I cannot tell you how many books now have taped pages. All her handiwork. And everything goes in her mouth. It doesn't matter what it is; it's getting a thorough oral inspection.

Most of my son's toys are not suitable for young children, but there is no possible way to keep her out of anything! And my son hates sharing his toys with her. My daughter is now at the age where she protests when things are snatched from her hands. I swear I spend all of my energy getting them to just play happily within the entire house. It feels like I can never get anything done. Someone is always upset, needs something, or wants my attention. Or hungry. Good God, they are always hungry! I don't understand how such little people can eat so much. I really don't.

Getting time by myself is limited to nap time (but my son doesn't always take them) and bedtime. And honestly, by bedtime, I am toast. At the end of my rope. Bedtime is the absolute worst part of the day. Everybody is cranky, but nobody wants to go to bed. Except me! Hello! I was ready like an hour ago. And it's such a struggle. Every. Single. Night. And my son stalls. He tries everything. "I can't get my shirt off. I can't find my pajamas. I don't want to brush my teeth. I need a story. I need a stuffed animal, but not the one that's in my bed. I need to tell the dogs goodnight. And the fish. And the moon and stars." Oh, Jesus, just get in bed! Getting ready for bed is like an hour long stress test. And I usually fail!


-The Realization

At some point, you will doubt your parenting skills. You will wonder why you thought having another kid was a good idea. You will hate your children (it's normal, and it's usually just a flash in the pan feeling that dissipates almost as quickly as you feel it.) and wonder why anyone thought you would qualify for parenting. Shouldn't there have been a test? Why didn't anyone really prepare me? How is this so difficult?

Raising children is never easy. And honestly, it hasn't gotten any easier for me as my son has aged. He asks a lot of questions, he minds less, he's opinionated and can be mouthy. My daughter is still pretty needy, loud, particular and moody.

They can be monsters.

At the end of every day, I hold my daughter while she falls asleep. And the whole house is quiet. My son is resting. My daughter is cuddly and sweet, and all the love hits me. Yes, they are monsters. They tear things up, they don't get along, they embarrass me at the store, they ruin clothes and books and furniture and need every ounce of my attention.

But, they're my monsters. And I love them more than I've ever loved anything in my life. They say a mother's love is unmeasurable. And I never knew what that meant until I had kids. You never really know what love is until you have a child. And that love is so ridiculous; you can't even explain it. You can't explain how every hurt hurts you more, or how every hug feels like the very first one, and every smile can change your whole day. You never understand how much power they really have over your heart.


So, yes. Having two kids can be a nightmare, and no one really prepared me for it. But, at the end of the day, we all love each other. My kids know I love them and I know they love me. You'll figure out your survival method. They're only this little the one time, so just take it day by day. And know, that it'll all be ok.