Surviving Month One with a Newborn (Again)

  Awe... Finally a quiet moment in the house!  For now... As most of you know we welcomed our second child into our lives last month.  She is such a blessing, but I severely underestimated how difficult it is to have a newborn.  Even though this is my second child it's been over three years since I had an itty bitty; and let me tell you, I've forgotten.  So, here are some tips for surviving that first month with your new bundle of joy.  If it's your first or your tenth, I think these will help.




Accept Help

  This sounds easy enough, but you will quickly learn that you may be a tad bit overprotective of your new offspring.  Plus, being women, we are always more apt to put the pressure of taking care of the kiddos as our sole responsibility.  Now is a terrific time to lean on your partner.  After all, you did make this baby together, so you should share the work load.  If you have older children, have your partner help out with the everyday things that happen with them, i.e. school, food, baths and bed time.  If you are breastfeeding your newest addition, it can be very hard to let your partner help out and a lot of the time you can feel overwhelmed with doing absolutely everything for your newborn.  So when your partner wants some baby time, hand it over!  Go put your feet up and catch some sleep (even if it's just fifteen minutes!) or take a nice hot shower.  Don't forget that you have to take care of yourself, in order to take care of your kids.

Be Realistic

  When I say be realistic, I mean don't expect everything to function the way it used to.  Everything is different now.  You have a baby; it's a major life alteration.  It's ok to let the dishes sit overnight.  It's ok for the laundry to wait.  Things that aren't extremely important can be pushed to other days or be done by someone else.  You do not have to do everything all the time.  And I know you may be eager to get back to your old hobbies and activities, but you need to be realistic about what you can mentally and physically handle.  Having a baby puts a serious drain on your body and caring for them drains your brain.  It can take a few weeks for you to get back to being a fully functioning adult; and if you've had a C-section it can take a few months.  My house has been a continuous wreck.  I've forgotten to grocery shop at least five times and we've run out of clean underwear twice.  Stressful and somewhat embarrassing?  You bet, but we survived.  Here's what I tell myself at the end of the day when I ask myself, "What did I even get done today?".  Did everyone get fed, does everyone have a clean butt and did everyone get at least one kiss, one hug and one 'I love you'.  If you can answer yes to all of those questions, you are doing fantastic.  You can rest easy tonight (you know, in between those feedings) knowing you've done enough for your family.


Love a First Sight?

  So, there's really a popular rumor going around that you fall in love your kid the second you see them.  Now, I know this is true for a lot of people, but it didn't happen for me.  And I immediately thought something was wrong with me.  Did I not love my children?  How come they feel like a stranger?  Well, they are strangers!  It can take a few hours, even a few days for that unconditional, ridiculous amount of love to hit you like a ton of bricks.  There is nothing wrong with you, I promise.  While I was in the hospital (with both my kids) there were moments when I felt more connected to them when they were inside me than when I was holding them in my arms.  Just because we carried them for nine months doesn't mean we know everything about them.  My newest child is a crier.  She loves to cry.  I hadn't really experienced that with my son.  There were times I was holding her and crying too because I didn't know what to do.  I fed her, I changed her, I rocked her; I had tried everything.  And I thought to myself, "I don't know this child, how can I be her mother when I don't know what she needs?"  You know what was wrong?  Gas.  My friend asked if I had tried these gas drops (of course, I hadn't) so she ran out and got me some.  And she was quiet and happy.  Up until that point the only time she was quiet was when she was sleeping (if I could get her to sleep), it was a whole new experience.  We don't have to know everything.  We're not suppose to; don't beat yourself up over every little thing.


Let It Go

  At the end of the day, forget everything.  Seriously, just let the day fade away.  Having another baby made me an even better parent to my son.  I was so grateful for how independent he was, I missed him constantly and I felt like every time I saw him I would light up and cover him with kisses.  I also think having another baby made me a worse parent.  My expectations for my kid were at a certain level and when he would regress or need more attention than I could give, I would snap.  Because I am sleep deprived and have another tiny person to take care of.  I expect my kid to carry on like before, but haven't I been saying that a new baby is life changing?  Well, it didn't just change my life.  It changed his too.  And sometimes I would be a horrible parent to my son.  I would put him to bed and cry because I knew he deserved better.  That I really couldn't handle two kids and what was I going to do now?  I would hang on to that for much longer than I should have.  So at the end of the day, you have to let it go.  Let go of all the bad that happened that day.  Tomorrow is a new day and things will get easier.  Your child(ren) will adjust, just like you will.  The learning curve is very steep, but you can handle this.


Take Care of You

  This is very important.  You need to remember to eat, get fluids, shower.  It will seem impossible, but just like you make sure your baby has what they need you need to make sure you get what you need.  Remember that babies can cry for no reason and if you need a minute to get yourself together, put the baby in a safe place and walk away.  That baby will be fine for the few minutes it takes you to get yourself right.  My daughter, the first week of her life, would cry so much when she was hungry that she couldn't eat.  She would work herself up so much that she would not be able to nurse.  Sometimes my husband would have to calm her down enough for me to feed her.  It was awful.  It would make me frustrated, heartbroken and angry all at the same time.  Eventually, she grew out of it, but she still cries a lot more than my son used to.  If you ever feel like you can't handle it, ask for help.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed.  There is nothing wrong with getting help for yourself.  You should never feel ashamed for needing help and there is nothing wrong with you.  When we get done having children, we have a ton of hormones just hanging around.  You will cry a lot more than usual, you can break down a lot faster.  It can be harder to deal with everyday things.  It is an imbalance, not a personal defect.  It is treatable, but you have to ask for help.  You must take care of yourself, so you can take care of your baby.


  That's all the advice I have for you today, there is a ton I'm forgetting I'm sure, but these are a good starting place.  The days will feel long and you'll be short on sleep, but the love you have for your little miracle will be overwhelming.  In a few weeks, things will be more predictable and stable.  You'll understand your child so much better, just give it some time.  Everyone must adjust.  Just think how much of an adjustment it is for them!  They have to be out of their water bath, it's extremely bright and now they have to work for their food!  I'd be crying constantly, too.  Try not to worry, everything will be alright.

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